“A house is made of walls and beams; a home is built with love and dreams.”

People don't understand me.
They don't understand why I seem to be obsessed with sports. I've been streaming the NCAA women's basketball tournament this week and last and I get the same reaction from everyone. They don't get it. Why waste time watching sports? Why wear a Georgia Tech shirt if I’ve never even been to the university? Why care about a program that should have no meaning to me? Now, I feel the need to explain myself.
It started as a child. Making friends was not always the easiest thing for me and I found myself better relating to those older than me. This still rings true today. Most of my friends are older and wiser, mature. Throughout middle school and high school I struggled with cliques. I was in basketball and volleyball. I was a choir nerd and band geek. I was in plays. My grades were good and I was in many school organizations. I had friends in every circle. Especially in high school, I found myself becoming more independent and pulling away from those friends that I felt were bad for me. The friends who had hierarchies within their cliques. The friends who felt the need to dictate who you spent time with and how you lived your life. The friends who would eventually tell lies to my volleyball coach and ruin that high school sport for me. Bullies. I became very guarded, very sheltered and latched onto the things that meant the most to me, basketball and music.

Some of my best memories are of coaching 4^th-8^th grade basketball. I realized fairly quickly that playing and coaching are very different but found a mutual love for both.

While in the Virgin Islands last semester I had a tough time fitting in. I had a great group of friends but it took me a long time to get used to the stares and racial comments. It was a struggle, no doubt. The highlight of my trip was Paradise Jam. I watched the University of the Virgin Islands beat Puerto Rico on the opening night and wasn’t planning on attending any more games. A good friend of mine gave me tickets to see the opening round of women’s games and I had nothing better to do. To my surprise Missouri was in the tournament. Once again, I latched onto basketball as a source of comfort.

While most of my island friends were enjoying the beautiful beach, I was watching legends like Pat Summit and MaChelle Joseph coach. Seeing Robin Pingeton (who has an adorable little boy by the way) trying to build a proud program out of Mizzou. To me, the sound of squeaking shoes and buzzers is more comforting than the sound of waves crashing the shore. Call me crazy, but its familiar and familiarity breeds comfort.

Here in Juneau, most people don’t care about sports and if they do, it’s usually only hockey. I try to be patient when I get questions like “Why is there a big bee on your shirt? I don’t get it.”

COME ON! It’s a Yellow Jacket! *shake my head*

No one up here knows who Pat Summit or Geno Auriemma are. Uconn is not a team but a vehicle, misspelled. The quickest way to get people out of the room is to turn on ESPN.

Once again, I am stressing about this last semester of classes and struggling with being SO far away from my Midwestern roots. Thus, I have streaming basketball up on my laptop while doing my Political Economy homework. Later today I have a Body Pump class and then some more homework to finish up.

Overall, I’m in a great mood. The smell of fresh spring rain is in the air and the NCAA Tournament is getting close to the final four! I have the comfort of basketball to get me through another week and life is grand.

“Home is a place you grow up wanting to leave, and grow old wanting to get back to”-John Ed Pearce

Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does. -William James

(You know it's spring when these fliers are popping up everywhere.)

It has been a busy few weeks. My advisor's class is wrapping up which means I have some big projects due soon. My multicultural education class is still taking up a good majority of my time but I have added a political economy class to the mix. This 100lvl class on the US economy is kicking my butt. Not only does it require a lot of work for a 100lvl class, its not easy work either. To top it off, it is BORING. I find it so hard to read these four books on how money flows through our businesses and government. My eyelids tend to get very heavy because I really don't care. I know that is horrible to say, that I don't care about something so vital to our political system. However, I have bigger fish to fry. ( I worry about money enough as it is. No need to worry about a class about money. Sigh)
Let's start with summer plans. As of right now it looks like I will be taking an incomplete on this political economy class due to crazy book ordering circumstances. I will also have an incomplete in my multicultural education class because it is set up to end in July. Plus, I will have a children's literature class that starts in may. To top it off, I will be working full time back at Era Helicopters. Luckily, I think I will be able to stay on campus for summer housing. We are supposed to have six credits in order to stay and my transcript will only show that I have 3. The six credits I have of "incompletes" wont show up. Right now, it doesn't seem like it will be a big deal. We will see....
Summer housing will cost $2,800. That is without the cost of my classes. Luckily, I have some money saved up but I guess we all know where my tax refund will be going. Right back into school! YAY. No fancy new clothes, no new computer, no fun flights out of town, but that is okay. Hopefully, I will pay off the school quickly and can save the money I make working at Era this year. Then I will be able to take a mini vacation when my schedule isn't so hectic and I can actually afford it. I also have to save up some money for the traveling I will have to do this next year, job interviews, job fairs and spending some time in the "bush" region of Alaska. It's expensive getting around up here.
I've been trying to tell myself not to look at the big picture. Sometimes you just have to take one day at a time because the bigger picture is way to stressful and just too complicated to think about. At the same time, I have a year until graduation and a lot that has to happen before then, including some tough decisions. right now I am trying to come to terms with giving up a good pay check in order to move back to the lower 48 and start my career there. I think that AK is one of the only states that pays new teachers well. While my mind changes weekly, if not daily, I think I have decided that what is best for me has nothing to do with income. Right now, what is best for me is moving back to the lower 48. Living on the east or west coast is still Much Much Much closer than living all the way up here. (People don't realize how far north AK really is and how expensive it is to get in and out of this state.) Surely I'll be able to find a job in ONE of those 45 states down there. I've taken out New York, Idaho, and Utah because those states will never see my resume. Ha!
I need to be back in a world that has storms and enjoys sports. (Get this. I went to the lodge a few weeks ago and some of the passing guys actually complained that I was watching ESPN. For Real!) Anyways, I just need to be a little closer to my family too.
Alright, on to the less depressing stuff. I have a new roommate. She has been moving in over the past couple of days and is going to make a great fit with the three of us. It is always nice to have a fresh new smiling face around. We are the same age, so it is nice to have someone around who has the same maturity level as me and understands what it is like to be in school at the age of 23/24 when everyone else is graduating at 21. She has also gone on exchange to a few different places so we have already had the chance to discuss our exchange experiences.
On another happy note, I currently have A's in all of my classes, making long tough strides towards graduating with honors. I'm heading in to observe my host teachers classroom again this next week, which is always exciting. I can't waiting to dig in and get my hands dirty.
I think that is about all for now. I have to get back to this never ending amount of homework!

"Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward." -Victor Kiam

If you cannot be a poet, be the poem. ~David Carradine

I'm not sure where to start with this one, so I'm just going to jump in. An old friend of mine came back into town this past week. Unfortunately, things didn't end very well between us and when she came back, she wanted closure. For me, the situation was over and done. There was no need for me to meet with this person again just to re-open scars (not to mention the fact that I am up to my neck in homework). This didn't make that person happy and she took to her blog to vent about it. It was brought to my attention yesterday and I really didn't want to read it. I have heard all of it before. But, of course curiosity got the best of me

Here is an excerpt (written about me):
“What I have learned most during this trip is that I am not the weak one. I've been feeling so guilty for my past mistakes, for bad judgments, for petty comments and jealousy, and trying to convince myself that it was okay I was just a doormat.…But I noticed right away that I'm strongly aware of my faults and not the weak one because I'm not hiding away in an ivory tower, mocking everyone around me and laughing at them for failing to penetrate the thick walls I've built around me. I'm living my life and I am remorseful for bringing sadness to anyone. I've had to confront a lot of demons since I've been here including a past [friendship] that ended very bitterly. Not surprisingly, I was met with deaf ears, reminded that I am not missed, and told to move on because they so obviously have. Right...so I ended our communications with an apology, a heartfelt "I-wish-you-all-the-happiness-in-the-world" kind of sentiment because they kind of do deserve it, and a compliment which of course resulted in some more defensive mocking and probably just pissed them off that someone was actually being nice to them for once. And instead of feeling like crud all the time for my faults, I feel sorry for them for hiding and building such thick walls that I'm not sure anyone could break down.” (There was more but this is the gist of it.)

Wow. Well, I guess I don’t have to write about why our friendship didn’t work out. When someone is saying this stuff about you, it makes sense that you would push them as far away as possible. It’s toxic and like I said, I’ve heard it all before in one form or another from the same person.

I’m not going to sit here and defend myself. The people who read this blog know that I am not the person described above and I will leave it at that. While I wish I could say that the short write up didn’t bother me, I am only human. Of course, it sucks when people speak ill of you or take to the internet to degrade your character. It hurts, so I’m not going to sit here and do the same back at her. I will say this, she is very smart and in a great school. She will go places in her life and I hope that she finds a great circle of friends to take along on the ride. I hope she settles down with a lovely family and makes the best of her adventures.

Once I had finished reading about how horrible of a person I am, I curled up in my bed and dreamt I was a middle-aged, sassy, black woman wearing a form fitting purple dress and chain smoking in a bar in the south. (You know that’s funny!).

As for me, I am happy with my life and excited about the future. For once, I don’t feel stuck. I don’t feel as if I am attached to this town and I am anxious to get in the classroom teaching the little ones. When I graduate, I will go wherever the wind takes me and I will start all over again (preferably somewhere where there are tornadoes and basketball!).

Maybe I’ll get a car

Maybe I'll drive so far

They'll all lose track

Me, I’ll bounce right back

Maybe I’ll sleep real late

Maybe I'll lose some weight

Maybe I’ll clear my junk

Maybe I’ll just get drunk on apple wine

Me, I’ll be just Fine and dandy

-Dolly

"Wherever you go, go with all your heart." ~Confucius

Life loves the liver of it. -Maya Angelou

This is my spring break and I am the busiest with classes that I have ever been. That's just not right. I mean, come on. It's SPRING BREAK! Oh well, I don't have anything better to do this week, anyways.
So last night I was sitting on my bed typing away at a response paper for Multicultural Education. It was around 10:30 PM when I heard my roommate yell out "I CAN SEE THEM FROM MY WINDOW!" I knew right away that she was talking about the Northern Lights (Aurora Borealis). My room has a tiny window with no view of anything but trees. I ran to her room and saw a very faint light green ray in the sky. It wasn't too exciting compared to the last time I saw the lights (ie the last post). I hopped downstairs and put on my warm winter boots anyways. I didn't want to miss a single showing of the lights. To my surprise, when I stepped out onto the sidewalk the sky above had a massive green stripe across it. I ran inside and yelled to my roommates that the best of the lights were on the opposite side of the house.
On the far side of the housing parking lot there is a playground. There are fewer lights around it so we decided it would be the best option for watching the show. The lights only got brighter. It's the craziest thing to see because the entire time my mind was trying to absorb it. The thick green bands bounced and danced across the sky showing hints of red at times. I'm not sure there is anything more amazing to see in the whole world. We know what causes it but yet it is still mysterious. NASA makes predictions on how strong they will be but you never know how they will really appear until they catch you completely off guard.
(This picture really does nothing for the lights. It was so much more amazing in person!)

Apparently, the solar storm that created the Aurora was so strong that the lights could be seen in New york City (that is, if you could see through the city lights and smog). Below are some more pictures. I have to add here that I did not take any of these pictures. They are from Yosuke Sano's collection, as my camera doesn't do well in the dark.

All of these were taken in Juneau.

"Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music."
— George Carlin

“The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart”-Helen Keller

The Northern Lights

“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.”

Obviously, the Northern Lights were out and about in full force (again) this past week. I was sitting at the dining room table when my roommates said someone had posted they could see them. We took a quick drive to a dark cabin and stood around watching the gorgeous show of lights dancing around the mountains. It was amazing!

This past week I have been working hard to get caught up in my classes. I feel like when I get caught up in one class, I fall behind in another one. While it has been stressful at times, I can't complain. I am learning a lot and am excited about the future.
So, I have some exciting news! I was contacted by my host teacher for student teaching. We met last Monday. I observed her class to see if I thought we would make a good pairing. I was happy to find the she is young and fun! It's a fifth grade classroom and I will be helping with Math and Science primarily. I feel as if I have been in school forever, yet I am still so nervous to be in the classroom teaching lessons. It's exciting!

This weekend is the start of spring break for me. I am proud to say that I am staying home and enjoying my break from classes. Except that I still have one class. Haha. My lovely advisor had to cancel a class earlier in the semester so we are making it up during spring break. I honestly don't mind. The class is fun and interesting. Other than that, I have been avoiding possible drama. It seems like every time I get my life on the right path someone or something tries to pull me off that path. Well not this time. I am happy. For once, I am really happy with my life and where I am headed.
Those people who try to take your happiness away are not worth the time or effort.

“Don't rely on someone else for your happiness and self worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can't love and respect yourself - no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are - completely; the good and the bad - and make changes as YOU see fit - not because you think someone else wants you to be different.”