I'm not sure where to start with this one, so I'm just going to jump in. An old friend of mine came back into town this past week. Unfortunately, things didn't end very well between us and when she came back, she wanted closure. For me, the situation was over and done. There was no need for me to meet with this person again just to re-open scars (not to mention the fact that I am up to my neck in homework). This didn't make that person happy and she took to her blog to vent about it. It was brought to my attention yesterday and I really didn't want to read it. I have heard all of it before. But, of course curiosity got the best of me
Here is an excerpt (written about me):
“What I have learned most during this trip is that I am not the weak one. I've been feeling so guilty for my past mistakes, for bad judgments, for petty comments and jealousy, and trying to convince myself that it was okay I was just a doormat.…But I noticed right away that I'm strongly aware of my faults and not the weak one because I'm not hiding away in an ivory tower, mocking everyone around me and laughing at them for failing to penetrate the thick walls I've built around me. I'm living my life and I am remorseful for bringing sadness to anyone. I've had to confront a lot of demons since I've been here including a past [friendship] that ended very bitterly. Not surprisingly, I was met with deaf ears, reminded that I am not missed, and told to move on because they so obviously have. Right...so I ended our communications with an apology, a heartfelt "I-wish-you-all-the-happiness-in-the-world" kind of sentiment because they kind of do deserve it, and a compliment which of course resulted in some more defensive mocking and probably just pissed them off that someone was actually being nice to them for once. And instead of feeling like crud all the time for my faults, I feel sorry for them for hiding and building such thick walls that I'm not sure anyone could break down.” (There was more but this is the gist of it.)
Wow. Well, I guess I don’t have to write about why our friendship didn’t work out. When someone is saying this stuff about you, it makes sense that you would push them as far away as possible. It’s toxic and like I said, I’ve heard it all before in one form or another from the same person.
I’m not going to sit here and defend myself. The people who read this blog know that I am not the person described above and I will leave it at that. While I wish I could say that the short write up didn’t bother me, I am only human. Of course, it sucks when people speak ill of you or take to the internet to degrade your character. It hurts, so I’m not going to sit here and do the same back at her. I will say this, she is very smart and in a great school. She will go places in her life and I hope that she finds a great circle of friends to take along on the ride. I hope she settles down with a lovely family and makes the best of her adventures.
Once I had finished reading about how horrible of a person I am, I curled up in my bed and dreamt I was a middle-aged, sassy, black woman wearing a form fitting purple dress and chain smoking in a bar in the south. (You know that’s funny!).
As for me, I am happy with my life and excited about the future. For once, I don’t feel stuck. I don’t feel as if I am attached to this town and I am anxious to get in the classroom teaching the little ones. When I graduate, I will go wherever the wind takes me and I will start all over again (preferably somewhere where there are tornadoes and basketball!).
Maybe I’ll get a car
Maybe I'll drive so far
They'll all lose track
Me, I’ll bounce right back
Maybe I’ll sleep real late
Maybe I'll lose some weight
Maybe I’ll clear my junk
Maybe I’ll just get drunk on apple wine
Me, I’ll be just Fine and dandy
-Dolly
"Wherever you go, go with all your heart." ~Confucius
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