If you cannot be a poet, be the poem. ~David Carradine

I'm not sure where to start with this one, so I'm just going to jump in. An old friend of mine came back into town this past week. Unfortunately, things didn't end very well between us and when she came back, she wanted closure. For me, the situation was over and done. There was no need for me to meet with this person again just to re-open scars (not to mention the fact that I am up to my neck in homework). This didn't make that person happy and she took to her blog to vent about it. It was brought to my attention yesterday and I really didn't want to read it. I have heard all of it before. But, of course curiosity got the best of me

Here is an excerpt (written about me):
“What I have learned most during this trip is that I am not the weak one. I've been feeling so guilty for my past mistakes, for bad judgments, for petty comments and jealousy, and trying to convince myself that it was okay I was just a doormat.…But I noticed right away that I'm strongly aware of my faults and not the weak one because I'm not hiding away in an ivory tower, mocking everyone around me and laughing at them for failing to penetrate the thick walls I've built around me. I'm living my life and I am remorseful for bringing sadness to anyone. I've had to confront a lot of demons since I've been here including a past [friendship] that ended very bitterly. Not surprisingly, I was met with deaf ears, reminded that I am not missed, and told to move on because they so obviously have. Right...so I ended our communications with an apology, a heartfelt "I-wish-you-all-the-happiness-in-the-world" kind of sentiment because they kind of do deserve it, and a compliment which of course resulted in some more defensive mocking and probably just pissed them off that someone was actually being nice to them for once. And instead of feeling like crud all the time for my faults, I feel sorry for them for hiding and building such thick walls that I'm not sure anyone could break down.” (There was more but this is the gist of it.)

Wow. Well, I guess I don’t have to write about why our friendship didn’t work out. When someone is saying this stuff about you, it makes sense that you would push them as far away as possible. It’s toxic and like I said, I’ve heard it all before in one form or another from the same person.

I’m not going to sit here and defend myself. The people who read this blog know that I am not the person described above and I will leave it at that. While I wish I could say that the short write up didn’t bother me, I am only human. Of course, it sucks when people speak ill of you or take to the internet to degrade your character. It hurts, so I’m not going to sit here and do the same back at her. I will say this, she is very smart and in a great school. She will go places in her life and I hope that she finds a great circle of friends to take along on the ride. I hope she settles down with a lovely family and makes the best of her adventures.

Once I had finished reading about how horrible of a person I am, I curled up in my bed and dreamt I was a middle-aged, sassy, black woman wearing a form fitting purple dress and chain smoking in a bar in the south. (You know that’s funny!).

As for me, I am happy with my life and excited about the future. For once, I don’t feel stuck. I don’t feel as if I am attached to this town and I am anxious to get in the classroom teaching the little ones. When I graduate, I will go wherever the wind takes me and I will start all over again (preferably somewhere where there are tornadoes and basketball!).

Maybe I’ll get a car

Maybe I'll drive so far

They'll all lose track

Me, I’ll bounce right back

Maybe I’ll sleep real late

Maybe I'll lose some weight

Maybe I’ll clear my junk

Maybe I’ll just get drunk on apple wine

Me, I’ll be just Fine and dandy

-Dolly

"Wherever you go, go with all your heart." ~Confucius

"God places the heaviest burden on those who can carry its weight"

(Worked in some time to get to the Mendenhall glacier for a few minutes.)

It has been a great semester so far! I have to admit that the snow and rain has worn down my spirit a little but there is no rain or snow today and I think I might have seen a glimpse of the sun. Getting to know my new roommates has been fun. It's always great to meet new people. Last night was SAA dinner and a movie so I went to meet the new SAA board members and watch the movie Easy A. It was funny but a little weird not having my normal SAA people around. Other than that, I have just been plugging away at homework. I am waiting for a few books to arrive still that are on back order. Right now I have homework in every class to do. I took the day off Friday to relax a bit since I didn't have class. Yesterday I worked on art homework and Multicultural Education. Today I am listening to Georgia Tech kick butt against Boston College, while preparing to tackle some Educational Psychology.


(This is my car on the fourth day of snow AFTER I had cleaned it completely of snow the day before.)
As far as financial aid and all that fun stuff goes, I think things are finally coming together. The exchange kind of messed up everything but I think that it has all worked itself out. I should be getting a bit back that I will put towards my Praxis II. I have a few classes that will end in February and one class that starts in February. It will be nice to get rid of a few of these one credit classes that take up a lot of free time with busy work.
So that's pretty much all the updates for now. I have to get back to the endless amounts of homework I have left.

Good or Bad News First?

Good or bad news first? I usually choose the bad just to get it over with. So here goes.
I received a letter from housing in the mail yesterday. It basically said that housing is full there and I will be put on a waiting list until a vacancy becomes available. Another waiting game? Yup. The letter did say they have alternative housing and have a list of residence that are willing to rent to college students. My problem is that I am going there without a job. How can I afford rent or the deposit, etc? I emailed them just today and told them that if I do not have housing the chances of me attending are slim. It isn't really true. However, if they think they will loose money they may find an opening they missed. It is a small school, so who knows. It was worth a shot.
As for my class schedule, I still have not heard back from my adviser. It is really starting to annoy me. I emailed him not too long ago (week or two) and he said that he would be getting back to me soon. Ugh. I have no patience. I really just want everything to be finalized. This way I can get my plane tickets and start preparing. I feel like everything is just up in the air right now and doubt keeps creeping up in me and my family members around me.

Better news:

I have been working my tail off lately. The schools have needed me to cover several positions. This week was the first time I worked the entire week. I have to say, it feels good. Feels nice to know that a decent size check should be coming in this month. I have also started assistant coaching 8th grade girls basketball. For the most part, this is a great group of girls that have never played before. Ahh I love a challenge. The work and the basketball have me so worn out though. I am just getting used to the schedule. BUT it's a great kind of worn out. The kind where you know your making a difference in someones life. The kind where you can sit down at home at the end of the day and just sigh because it's over, but also because it was such a productive one. That is how my week has been. Productive but not necessarily positive.

Right now:
I am sitting in my house in the dark. Not a single light on. It is 8:30am and everyone is still asleep except me. The sun rose long ago but the winter clouds have hidden it well. The gray sky makes me happy for some unknown reason. Winter is on it's way and it shows in the 35 degree temperature. I can barely hear the wind chimes ringing outside. This is the perfect environment to write. These days are what keep me in a good mood, and remind me that everything is in God's hands. These days keep me at peace.